mind fleek

I'm dyyiiinnggg.
This stylebook project is heavy. Very heavy.
This whole couple WEEKS has been heavy. Not exactly sure why everything decides to happen at once- when it rains it pours I guess!
Just a short plea for the next semester this class is taught- maybe split up the work/due dates for the reflexive assignment and the professional presentation of self. Even if you've got a good time management schedule going on, it's really distracting from each if they're happening simultaneously. I personally feel like the professional presentation of self could take the place of one of the reflexive writing assignments, but that's just my opinion. Now, back to work!


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(THIS. IS. LONG.)
As you may or may not notice, I don’t use my real name on the internet very often (If you haven’t noticed, maybe you should pay more attention, this stuff is deep). I use a pseudonym, Desude Lashada, to refer to myself on this blog, as well as most public galleries and sites that require a nickname. I even use it occasionally when I’m feeling the need to be especially mysterious or subversive when ordering computer parts or candy online. My family seems indifferent, so why not? In fact, my mom actually does the same thing (I like to think I thought of it first).
So where did this name come from? Let’s rewind the video back to about- oh say…6 years ago. I was about 13 years old, in 6th grade. At this point I’m the type of kid who is constantly trying to be “weird”: blue jeans with a black floor length jacket, red, purple, and blonde streaks in my hair, annoyingly brooding and chubby. I was in a little gang of 3 girls who were best friends. We had a lot of fun, and the best thing about friends in middle school is that you are constantly with them, bumming on their couch or eating ramen noodles and soda. We would be friends forever, until the backstabbing, gossiping, and insults meant to rip from the roots caused a major fissure and changed one of the us for the rest of her life. But that’s another post. So, my friends and I are in a little group. We have countless nicknames, usually borrowed from tv shows or books. At some point I come up with the idea that we needed original names: something easy to remember, but totally unique to each of us. So I picked out 3 letters in each of our names, and mine ended up S D E…and turned into Des. Which turned into Desdemona Von Pinacoladarita Von Armada III, and then shortened into Desu, which finally turned into the very nice, even sounding DESUDE. Dezooday. I love saying it, I love hearing it, I love being it. Desude is my best friend, my shield, and my sword. I can do anything with that name. People love Desude, she’s talented, confident, and knows how to conduct herself in whatever affairs she can get herself into. And, that name is mine. It’s something I made. It’s as much a piece of art, a piece of my portfolio, as that picture up there. Desude is the public identity, I am the normal one. Desude will do great things, and I will profit from it. (…does this sound creepy to you? It does to me)
When I’m my original name (my real name, from my parents), I have to follow the rules of the world that name was born in. If I make a mistake, or screw up, it STAYS with me. Maybe the edgy Desude doesn’t mind, but cautious “me” minds. A lot. Easily googled, my mistakes can cost me a job, a scholarship, or a friendship, although going that far is unlikely. But it’s a possibility.
I used to want to work for the CIA really badly when I was younger. My dad warned me that if I really wanted to do that, I needed to have the cleanest record ever (He was in the Air Force, in the intelligence sector) They would ask my childhood friends about me, my teachers, the mail dude, everyone. I became dead set on never tarnishing my name. This paranoia never really faded after I decided I wanted to open my own company. What if I suddenly wanted to work for the CIA? I couldn’t with that overdraft fee hanging over my head!! (Ok, I’m exaggerating. A little.) So I’ve protected my real name with the ferocity of a thousand ducks. Uh…in case I want to work..for…the …CIA? Ok let’s look at the big picture: I don’t want anything “unprofessional” or unfortunately worded casual statements I made somewhere on the internet connected to my real name.
Sometimes I think about changing my name to Desude Lashada. But then I realize I much prefer the comfortable dichotomy of two names. Make Believe and Reality. Art and …Business!
And of course, it serves a practical purpose too. Protection from creeps. If you are established on the internet, someone will stalk you at some point.
It also serves to separate my younger self with the me I will become. It gives me a chance to throwaway Desude if I want to.



(word count: 757)

Well, my Professional Presentation of Self is well underway! …sort of. Ok, I’m still working on the cover design. It’s a start. I’ll probably have about half of it done later tonight, my main concern is my indecision about how I’ll approach the form this stylebook is going to take. Prepare for some more boring indecisive rambling about how I’m gonna do this (I PROMISE TO STOP).
Let me straighten out my extremely professional crumpled piece of notebook paper, and talk about the possibilities until I end up arguing with myself about what I really want to do.
Option A:
AKA “The Original”
Just a really nice, expensive coffee table book.
PROS:
….mmm glossy pages
I kind of think once you have a coffee table book it means you are immediately more impressive and pretentious (wow, is this really a pro?)
CONS:
Exactly the kind of crap no one cares about.
The whole “expensive” part, my budget is…$-10.
Boringgggg
Boorrrrinngngngjsdfkdfj

Option B:
Cards shaped like magnolia petals, possibly on a ring or circle thing (I hate the word “grommet” really bad, sounds like “vomit” and “grouch”), then when you fan them out, it looks like a magnolia or lotus blossom (my personal insignia)
PROS:
Portable
Able to have better quality materials because each “page” is smaller
Cool looking, good if I ever manage to make the magnolia icon official.
CONS:
Admittedly, a bit impractical in the context of this assignment. It’s TOO portable, too cute, too easy to lose.
Not sure how those little metal circle things work. Do I need a machine?

Option C:
A petal/leaf shaped envelope with the leaf shaped pages sitting inside.
PROS:
Cool, without being unnecessarily super unusual (“LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME”)
Self contained
Portable
CONS:
Not sure if I like the envelope concept.

Option D:
A folder with loose papers inside. Might be a trifold, shaped so that when it’s closed, a “crown” of three points resembles a simplified magnolia blossom.
PROS:
Simple, unassuming, but still cool
Professional
Easy to produce

CONS:
…I like this one. No cons for now.

Option E:
A simplified book, kind of like a greeting card, with horizontal orientation, bound by either book tape or ribbon (because it’s pretty!)
PROS: Easy to understand
Fairly simple to produce
Attractive
CONS: A little boring
General apathy towards this idea

Option F:
A slim box with the loose pages inside
PROS: Very very attractive design
Self contained
Impressive
Fairly simple design
CONS: The box (how do I make/find one?)
A little bulky

I can tell I’m already leaning towards the last two. As soon as I finish a few more pages I’ll try to make a final decision.

(word count: 448)

I need to get some stuff posted here. Weekend, come faster!

While the cold entries are still in the microwave, I'm going to post some freethinking for my Professional Presentation of Self. Warning: this is very very faithful to my thought process, which means it's very very thorough, very very redundant, and at times very very misinformed/dumb/nonsensical. Proceed reading at your own risk.

At the instant the assignment was …assigned, the rapid-fire thought was “I already have that…my online portfolio”. Then I continued, “Wait, I don’t really have a portfolio. More like a blog and an account on an art social network. That’s not something I’d feel comfortable handing into someone for a job. Hm, maybe a digital portfolio on my own domain?” Then I felt…bored. All of my stuff is digital. I have no hard copies of anything to hand out ever because I’m creepily attached to the idea of virtual space. I need something…tangible. Something pretty. Something WELL MADE.
My thought was "art book". Art books are the one type of tangible book I will still spend money on. It is my guilty pleasure; if I had enough money, I could probably replace all food with art books and THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING I LOVE FOOD. Art books are just collections of art (and sometimes cool stuff like sketches, interviews, or a walk through of the artist's artistic process) from an artist (or several). They're usually shiny and very verrryy good looking, and everyone can find one they like, as long as they have eyes. And it’d be so awesome to have one of my own work.
I kept thinking. An art book is good for my actual ART, but I don't consider myself solely an artist, and sometimes, I don't like to say I'm an "artist" at all. At least not with the connotations currently assigned. To only address my artistic body of work for this assignment feels like I'm neglecting the bigger picture, and I am all about the bigger picture. So...next thought was "style book". My imaginary label in my head has a very specific set of standards for design. So why not practice applying that to a product (assignment)?
In my head, a company that deals with Beautifying Da World (I promise to never put that in an official document) should have something in it's arsenal to show people: a definitive resource that is the essence of their aesthetic. Something that clients could consider, fans could collect, and designers and fellow innovators could keep on their bookshelf. Also, it sounds really cool. As of this moment, of course, I don't have a company. But I have an aesthetic concept. And I have a crumply piece of paper with blueprints for a store on it! Moving on, a "style book" would need to be consistent throughout. My initial thumbnail sketches laid out around 15-20 pages. This is a large workload in terms of work, money, time, and...stuff. I'm amazing, but usually fall a tad short of "miracle worker". And in the case of budget for materials...let's say the $$$ is in the double digits and one number is not higher than "2". So maybe 10 extremely essential pages? Maybe I can do 15, the thumbnails allocate a few pages to such features as: "Pretty Space Wasting Title Page", "Table of Contents", "Weird Blank Page That All Books Are Apparently Supposed to Have at The Back, Possibly Called an End Paper, I'm Not Sure", "Introduction" (to something, the concept? The back-story?), and "Biography/Credits". The other pages would include a page devoted to concept work, sketches, and idea revision (essentially showing the first steps of the creation process), another page with completed works (maybe one digital page and one traditional page, if I can scrounge up any photos I took of them, pages about my goals for the future (entrepreneurship), and pages maybe detailing a step by step through a piece? I do have some really cool pictures throughout my time doing some wall art for my grandma. …Why does any sentence that ends with “for my grandma” sound really uncool? DISCLAIMER: I LOVE MY GRANDMA AND ANYONE WHO WANTS TO SUGGEST OTHERWISE WILL GET A FACE FULL OF FIST.
Moving on, I guess I should include a resume. Maybe I can work the resume into the biography page? Essentially, I want it to leave no questions unasked. I feel a little bit like it’s leaning towards art book a bit too much, but…working through it. Overall, I want something tangible. I’m currently working on the various ideas I have for the form it’ll take, and I’ll probably make an entry on those pretty soon (I’m giving myself a Friday night deadline for the decision). Until then, please find something to entertain yourself with.

(word count: 797)

So presentations are done. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. BUT. For the first time...I wasn't nervous at all! I felt confident; relaxed, even.

Oh. Um...remember that job interview I posted about earlier this week that I thought I totally bombed? Incoherently rambled the entire length of it? Threw me into a dark pit of business despair in which I lamented my fate of eternal unemployment?


I got the job.

As the deadline for part one of our reflexive writing assignments approaches (today), I decided to share some of my feelings about class so far. Also, to say that I think I will be continuing MIND FLEEK for the next assignment, and possibly the third.
Anyways, onwards!

ASSIGNMENTS: These range from manageable to a bit difficult. I find that sometimes it's a little hard to understand the assignments fully, like the revising of those official guidelines or whatever. To me, that was frustrating and not particularly rewarding. I didn't get much out of it, and felt with the time limit, it would be hard to do so unless something was further explained, but I'm not sure once. I find the actual assignments are also a little hard to discern- sometimes I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do until a good amount of work time has passed.

READING: I'd like to see some more discussion about the reading we've been assigned, because right now, I'm doing the reading but find I could have skipped it and not have a problem in class. That can be a good thing, but sometimes I like to have some reinforcement in speaking form, since I'm an auditory learner primarily.

CLASS TIME: I like the different approaches to class each time, and the variety of activities we do. My least favorite classes are the ones where we go off and work on our own, and my favorites are the ones split with some discussion and demonstrations, but that's just because I'm a loser who can't interact with people properly. ...Um, moving on, I appreciate the casualness of class, and the fact that the demeanor is fairly relaxed. I can check my email for a few minutes or type my ideas down during class without the teacher biting off my head, and I can eat a snack in case my stomach is trying to digest itself.

OVERALL: It's good, but at the risk of sounding like a slave to the machine, I want to see some more structure? Maybe that's not what I mean. More like, I want clearer purposes. I'm fine with free reign, but I think it's surprising how much creativity can thrive with a few guidelines.

On the topic of MIND FLEEK, I'm a little paranoid about the reception of this project, but I feel like I did a fair amount of posts and presented enough ideas. Heading forward, I want to try focusing a little more on subjects related to class, but it just seems really...broad. Well, this is the first thing I've ever done like this, so I'm learning, slowly but surely.