(c) Desude. 2009.
As you may or may not notice, I don’t use my real name on the internet very often (If you haven’t noticed, maybe you should pay more attention, this stuff is deep). I use a pseudonym, Desude Lashada, to refer to myself on this blog, as well as most public galleries and sites that require a nickname. I even use it occasionally when I’m feeling the need to be especially mysterious or subversive when ordering computer parts or candy online. My family seems indifferent, so why not? In fact, my mom actually does the same thing (I like to think I thought of it first).
So where did this name come from? Let’s rewind the video back to about- oh say…6 years ago. I was about 13 years old, in 6th grade. At this point I’m the type of kid who is constantly trying to be “weird”: blue jeans with a black floor length jacket, red, purple, and blonde streaks in my hair, annoyingly brooding and chubby. I was in a little gang of 3 girls who were best friends. We had a lot of fun, and the best thing about friends in middle school is that you are constantly with them, bumming on their couch or eating ramen noodles and soda. We would be friends forever, until the backstabbing, gossiping, and insults meant to rip from the roots caused a major fissure and changed one of the us for the rest of her life. But that’s another post. So, my friends and I are in a little group. We have countless nicknames, usually borrowed from tv shows or books. At some point I come up with the idea that we needed original names: something easy to remember, but totally unique to each of us. So I picked out 3 letters in each of our names, and mine ended up S D E…and turned into Des. Which turned into Desdemona Von Pinacoladarita Von Armada III, and then shortened into Desu, which finally turned into the very nice, even sounding DESUDE. Dezooday. I love saying it, I love hearing it, I love being it. Desude is my best friend, my shield, and my sword. I can do anything with that name. People love Desude, she’s talented, confident, and knows how to conduct herself in whatever affairs she can get herself into. And, that name is mine. It’s something I made. It’s as much a piece of art, a piece of my portfolio, as that picture up there. Desude is the public identity, I am the normal one. Desude will do great things, and I will profit from it. (…does this sound creepy to you? It does to me)
When I’m my original name (my real name, from my parents), I have to follow the rules of the world that name was born in. If I make a mistake, or screw up, it STAYS with me. Maybe the edgy Desude doesn’t mind, but cautious “me” minds. A lot. Easily googled, my mistakes can cost me a job, a scholarship, or a friendship, although going that far is unlikely. But it’s a possibility.
I used to want to work for the CIA really badly when I was younger. My dad warned me that if I really wanted to do that, I needed to have the cleanest record ever (He was in the Air Force, in the intelligence sector) They would ask my childhood friends about me, my teachers, the mail dude, everyone. I became dead set on never tarnishing my name. This paranoia never really faded after I decided I wanted to open my own company. What if I suddenly wanted to work for the CIA? I couldn’t with that overdraft fee hanging over my head!! (Ok, I’m exaggerating. A little.) So I’ve protected my real name with the ferocity of a thousand ducks. Uh…in case I want to work..for…the …CIA? Ok let’s look at the big picture: I don’t want anything “unprofessional” or unfortunately worded casual statements I made somewhere on the internet connected to my real name.
Sometimes I think about changing my name to Desude Lashada. But then I realize I much prefer the comfortable dichotomy of two names. Make Believe and Reality. Art and …Business!
And of course, it serves a practical purpose too. Protection from creeps. If you are established on the internet, someone will stalk you at some point.
It also serves to separate my younger self with the me I will become. It gives me a chance to throwaway Desude if I want to.
(word count: 757)
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